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Saturday, July 4, 2015

My Last Post

I've made the decision to discontinue this blog for a couple of reasons:

  1. I no longer have the energy for it.
  2. My state of mind has drastically plummeted since starting this;  initially, I thought/believed that I would "recover" more of my former self and abilities and that my posts would reflect a more positive reporting of and including a steady incline in my health; however, I feel nothing but negative of late, having only seemed to decline in progress these past two years.
Therefore, this will be my last post here.

Thank you to all who've took an interest in my posts and especially to those who've sent out your words of encouragement and support...I will hold fast to your messages of love!

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

How Do You Define Recovery?

How do you define recovery?

Here is the definition by the merrium-webster web site:  http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/recovery


When I was in the hospital just after having had the C.V.A. (stroke),I was told by the medical professionals that although it was not known if I could/would recover at all, the best chance of gaining recovery is in the first three months post stroke involving intense physical therapy due to   something called neuro-plasticity, creating new pathways within the brain.  After a month in acute, hospital, rehabilitation (rehab), followed by two months in a rehab, nursing home, then able to walk some with assistance (orthosis equipment and a quad cane), and both, dress myself (mostly, I still cannot put on my socks) and use the toilet unassisted(provided the toilet was adequately accessible and equipped for my disabilities), I apparently, was considered "recovered" enough to be sent home; however,   still having paralysis, poor balance, easily fatigued,  and needing to require assistance with many daily basic needs and activities, I most certainly had not truly recovered (at least, not how I imagined and hoped).  Here I am, nearly two years post-stroke and post-therapies (which I continued on an out-patient basis once returning home until I  reached a plateau in my progress in May, 2014) and still disabled and dependent on my husband and son for so many things (I am so grateful for having the best, most caring, loving and devoted husband in the world!  But what happens when he is no longer physically  unable to assist me?)

Anyway, the point that I am trying to make here is...I had believed that if I followed the rules and program of therapies as I had been guided, than one day, I would regain a more full recovery   (no more paralysis, a return to the independent way of living life as I had before, etc.); however, I have since come to the conclusion that the purpose of the  therapies, for me, were not for attaining a full recovery, but rather a training in discovering to do things in new ways, or rather, learning how to be differently-abled.  Learning to do things one-handed and learning to strengthen my torso and carry my weight differently to enable me to walk and sit without falling over from the dead-weight of my paralysis...which acts like an anchor pulling me down on the left side.
Bottom line...I'm  fairly certain that a full recovery is not to be achieved by me, especially given my age and the new  fact that the joints on my strong side, unaffected by the stroke, are now starting to wear out and pain me.
I also believe that the damage to my brain was more severe than many of the others of whom I've  read about on the stroke support forums.  Many there have talked about different sensations felt from their paralyzed limbs than that which I have experienced feeling as well as describing higher functioning therapies than those I have   been able to perform...my sense is that they retained some neurological  signals from the brain which enabled them to perform repetitive  tasks thereby allowing the creation of new pathways in their brains and thus recovering prior functions and abilities, where, I seem to have lost all the neurological  connections eliminating the chance to reroute my neurological  pathways.  I cannot lift my left arm, nor move, nor wriggle my fingers, nor can I move my foot, ankle or toes in any way.  The only reason that I am able to walk at all is because (1) orthotics   and a quad-cane and (2) I've  learned to swing my leg around and forward from my hip, I don't  have control of my knee at all, I don't  bend it and lift upward the way most people do when they walk.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Sleep Study Results

To my family and friends who've been following my progress here, I'm sorry for the long gap between my posts regarding my fatigue issues an reporting on my sleep study results.  I had hoped to resolve sleeping problems before posting, but, that will most likely be yet another long while.

The good news is, the sleep study showed that I do NOT have many of the most common sleep disorders; I do not have sleep apnea, nor other intrinsic sleep disorder; no narcolepsy or idiopathic hyposomnia.

What the sleep study did show was that my sleep efficiency is poor. I apparently spend most of the night in a light sleep (no deep R.E.M.)and every few minutes I awaken for another few minutes(and I'm not even aware of it).

The problem, or reason, for this inefficient sleep is unknown.  I started taking a sleeping medication to see if my sleep would improve, thereby, alleviating my daytime fatigue;  I felt better for only a few days - so now I'm in the process of weaning off my anti-depressant because the one I take apparently is known to sometimes suppress REM sleep (crazy, huh?).

So the current status of my fatigue isn't any different from when I first started posting about it. :-(

I now have a personal theory but, forgive me please, I'm too tired right now to put it to text.  I'll be back another time to share my thoughts.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Oh My Darling Clementine!

It's truly the "little" things that make me happy these days.  Clementines; so little and sweet!  I love fresh fruit but hadn't been able to enjoy much of it since the CVA.  Although I recovered enough to lose my lopsided smile, I continued and still do with some paralysis in my face and mouth that biting into large or hard things like sandwiches and apples, was painful (I'd end up biting my lip or tongue, or both.) Also, many other fruits require the work of two hands before reaping the benefits which meant that I was dependent upon the help of others in order to eat things like oranges when I wanted.    However, I asked hubby to buy some clementines last week and discovered that I am capable of peeling them one-handed; now I can eat one whenever I want, without having to wait until someone else is available to help me!  Yahoo!  Although clementines are "little" things, this is a HUGE achievement for me!

For those of you who've been following my story...I've had a sleep study done but won't know the results until I meet with my doctor, tomorrow.  For now I continue to take naps when I feel the need.  I do love sleep and on these cold wintry days, I equally love the cuddly warmth of my bed and down-filled comforter.